Seasick in Space

watercolors!

2009-09-29T20:52:00.001-07:00

2009-04-15T20:57:00.000-07:00

Note to self: People on Flickr who tag photos of actual rainbows with 'Gravity's Rainbow' have clearly not read Gravity's Rainbow.

Also, in a review of Slow Learner:

"Funny and wise enough to charm the gravity from a rainbow."
-Christopher Lehmann-Haupt

What the fuck does that even mean?

Watching

2009-04-11T23:04:00.000-07:00

It was the time for revolution, but those of us who had prayed for it so long were the ones who could not tear ourselves away from the safety of our rooms to dig into the dirt and dust. We watched as our comrades were arrested and beaten and felt a sense of guilt, for their actions and because they were not ours. It was when the violence became real that we we no longer sure whose side we were on.

In the Snow and Other Things

2009-04-11T22:56:00.000-07:00

It is far too cold to stay outside. You have retired indoors already, and turned on the light in the study. I can see it from where I'm standing in the yard, can see how the lamps are reflecting off the leather books, burnt orange and red and yellow, blurred in the window, melted, warm. And I with my boots and coat, standing under the dark trees. My breath shows in the air, disappears into falling snow, and I know that I have grown cold. That it is far too cold to stay.

On a Cake by Cake Basis

2009-04-10T16:33:00.000-07:00

cake > Cake

also,

Case > case (unless case = 'of beer')

The Simulacrumb 2: Special Cupcake Edition

2009-04-09T14:12:00.000-07:00

I thought that for this installment I would focus on cupcakes, since they are so delightfully delicious and probably one of the cutest looking things that you can eat (jellybeans are pretty darn cute, though not as tasty).
We'll start with Inedible Resembling Edible. First up we have a cookie jar that I almost bought once, and have regretted not buying ever since:

This tin disguises cookies to be better than they actually are.
Second, how great are these cupcake earrings? Because I am only half a girl, my first thought is that there should be more edible jewelery. And not those half ass candy necklaces. I would certainly wear more of it.

Alright, enough of that. Let's get to stuff you can actually eat. Here we have a terrific example of Edible Resembling Inedible. I think this particular cupcake goes above and beyond any expectations I had for character portrayal in sweets.

Cupcake cupcake cupcake starts with C. . . . !!

The best example of the simulacrumb I've seen in cupcakes though, goes to these two beautiful examples of Edible Resembling Alternative Edible. Someday I am going to make these. And I will feed them to all of you, my dear readers.

Ice cream cupcake. It was so obvious. Amazing.
And of course, because we live in America:

The sesame seeds are an especially nice touch, I think.

Putin' Around Moscow

2009-04-06T19:44:00.001-07:00

This is so old, it's not news;

but I still think about it.

This picture is of Reagan andGorbachev hanging out in Moscow with some Russian tourists. it is also, Skynews reports, a picture of Putin, then a KGB agent, pretending to be a tourist. That's him on the left, with the camera.

Skynews:

In an interview, Mr Souza recounted being surprised at the "pointed" questions these supposed tourists asked the US leader.

They included searching enquiries on the state of human rights in the US.

The identity of the man on the left of the photo - complete with camera round his neck - was later revealed and "verified" to Mr Souza as none other than Mr Putin.

The planting of KGB officers as bystanders was a common practice in Soviet times.

A Russian politial analyst disputes this:

"Vladimir Putin was a major serving in Dresden and he wasn't important enough at that time to be brought to Moscow", said Andrey Piontkovsky.

Mr Putin served as a KGB officer in the East German city of Dresden.

http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/World-News/Russias-Vladimir-Putin-Snapped-In-Disguise-While-Working-As-KGB-Officer-During-Reagan-Visit/Article/200903315244360

Thai Tea

2009-03-31T23:15:00.000-07:00

Chai Tea > Tai Chi

Agree or disagree?

The Simulacrumb: Installment 1

2009-03-24T21:57:00.000-07:00

If you know me at all, then you know that I have a cultural fetish for the following:

A. Edible resembling inedible

B. Inedible resembling edible

C. Edible resembling alternative edible

My favorite instances of the simulacrumb usually fall under category C as evidenced by my enthusiasm for hamburger cakes:

Happy Birthday Rupert. It's the best fucking cake ever.

As we know, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. A cake that looks like meat? How about meat that looks like a cake?

That's mashed potato frosting with ketchup details by the way.
Thanks This Is Why You're Fat, for this wonderful addition to my inventory.

The Madness Continues

2009-03-11T18:00:00.001-07:00

Edit: After getting several inquiries as to the ownership status of this drawing, I am now officially receiving requests for commissioned WTC Dino pieces.

Postcard/Greeting Card - $5
Small, pen only - $10
Medium, crayon and watercolor - $25
Large, acrylics on canvas - $100-$200 (serious inquiries only)

Please e-mail requests to
smarkari at yahoo dot com

Nighttime Adventures.

2009-03-10T22:57:00.000-07:00

In the Dead of Night

2009-03-10T22:50:00.001-07:00

Today I drew a dinosaur when I should have been doing my homework.

Dear Cristina,

2009-02-19T13:55:00.000-08:00

The other day I was really bored in Phonology and to relieve my boredom I started mathematically analyzing all the guys I've dated or been with. I made a big chart in chronological order with three categories: Looks, Personality/Charisma, Bedroom Skillz. I awarded a maximum of 10 points in each category and then tallied up the results to see who was closest to 30 points (thereby being the optimal boyfriend). xxxxx got 27 points, (I obviously didn't include flakiness in the personality breakdown). as did xxxxx, my friend who had the girlfriend when we slept together. They were tied for first, and they are both disasters. Third place was awarded to xxxxxx xxxxx, with 26 points. I may have been too generous awarding him 7 points in the Looks category. I'm guessing you would give him like, a 3/10. Amirite?
I realized my breakdown might not have been the best way to determine the optimal boyfriend, and decided that if I did it again, I would have to break down the personality section into several different categories like Brains, Humor, Street Smarts, Arts&Leisure Knowledge, and Kindness. But I don't know if I want to go through the trouble.

Love,
Sandra

Dear Sis,

I like your boyfriend breakdown, but why is it that people who score the highest always end up fucking us over the most? Like, is it because they're too good for us? Sometimes I feel that way. But then I'm like, no, fuck it, they have Hollywood personalities and huge egos and it's not about you, it's about them. That is where the breakdown is. Dude might be a bit boring and not as charming and spontaneous, but at least he gives a fuck and will fucking give a care and be excited to watch (TV Show) with you and buy you the special kind of chocolate that you like and does not disappear up his own ass and never call you again.

I am curious to know how xxxx xxxxxx scored on the boyfriend breakdown. Also, I thought xxxxx was an ok looking dude. I would not give him a 3. Maybe a 5.

Love,
Cristina

2008-12-25T02:11:00.000-08:00

Each chapter in Mortal Coil begins with an anecdote, starting with Sir Francis Bacon and his penchant for freezing flesh. In 1626, at age 66, Bacon decided to stuff an eviscerated chicken with snow, to see how well it would be preserved. The exercise, ironically, gave him his death of a cold.

http://www.obit-mag.com/viewmedia.php/prmMID/5078

The Night Flight Mix

2008-12-25T01:01:00.000-08:00

~ for the weary traveler on an airplane at night ~

1. Slow Show - The National

2. Pocketful of Money - Jens Lekman

3. This Women's Work - Kate Bush

4. I Believe in You - Talk Talk

7. Same Time Tomorrow - Laurie Anderson

8. Knee 5 - Philip Glass

9. Glycerine - Bush

10. Twenty One - The Cranberries

10. Tonight - Iggy Pop

11. Guiding Light - Television

Snow? In Austin??

2008-12-10T00:36:00.000-08:00

Unbelievable.

McSandra's Recommends

2008-11-13T19:41:00.000-08:00

Talking to Strangers
I know you've been told your entire life precisely not to do this, but people have great stories, and most of them are just waiting for you to come along so they can tell them to you. The best part about talking to strangers is that they'll tell you anything, because they're absolutely no emotional investment. Last time I talked to a stranger he told me about shitting himself while riding a bike. Instant intimacy.

Pinot Grigio on Ice with Cranberry Pomegranite Juice
I can't get enough. And as a result I'm a little bit tipsy as I'm writing this.
Also recommended: a dash of tonic water

Video G-Chat
Yeah, you see it. Go ahead, click that red "New!" button. You know you want it. The initial awkwardness only lasts about 30 seconds, and then only recurs every minute or so. If you do decide to take the plunge, I recommend having something distracting in the room, like guitar hero, or another person.

Lisa, Make Love!(It's Okay!) by Oh No! Oh My!
It's the perfect song for the end of fall.

Cutting the Date Short
There's no reason not to do this. If it's a bad date, both of you will feel better and you've still got time to call a friend to head out to the bars. If it's a good date, you'll keep things fresh and they'll be even more excited when they finally see you again. "Quit while you're ahead" is timeless wisdom.
Also recommended: cutting the phone call short, cutting the Video G-Chat short.

Jacque Henri Lartigue
The original party photographer. Wonderful old photographs of friends and lovers being silly, haveing madcap races, throwing dogs into lakes, dancing, tubing, skating, and somersaulting.
Remind yourself that life is beautiful.

Cayenne Pepper
Especially delightful when sprinkled on top of nachos or tacos.
Or really, pretty much anything.

The Outdoor Living Room
Whether this means a Stonehenge of Lay-Z Boys in the backyard, or a sofa on the porch, you can't go wrong when the weathers nice. Don't forget that there's a whole world out there and you can watch it go by from the comfort of your private property. Light one up and tie one on, baby. You're home.

Sleep hath it's own world, And a wide realm of wild reality

2008-10-27T13:02:00.000-07:00

Everything can happen, everything is possible and probably. Time and place do not exist; the imagination spins, weaving new patterns on a flimsy basis of reality: a mixture of memories, experiences, free associations, absurdities and improvisations.
~August Strindberg, A Dream Play

Rebecca has bought an expensive white convertible, very sleek, very low, very small. We are admiring it on the sidewalk outside her house. Although I tell her over and over how great the car is, she doesn't seem satisfied, and wants to hear me say that I would buy the car for myself. I insist that while I like the car, it just isn't my style. Not particularly practical. Too close to the ground. The seats are very, very small. They're not even as big as they could be, and they don't look particularly stable or comfortable.

She insists on taking me for a joyride to test out the car so I'll realize just what a smooth ride it is. She drives down the freeway to downtown Austin, where we end up in a bar called the Narrow Room which was made up a several dark bare rooms of different colors, speckled with nondescript young folk. I suddenly remember that I've been here before, back when I lived in LA, it's a place in Echo Park that I used to go to with Bijan, who. .. . Hey, there's Bijan now! Bijan is looking sharp and ready to party. Maybe I could hang with him tonight after Rebecca tires out and wants to leave. She's an early riser. So good to run into you Bijan! What are you doing in Austin? Hey! It's Aaron and Andrew! Guys, what the hell are you doing here? When did you get here? Why didn't you tell me you were coming? Bijan, look it's Aaron and. . .oh, they're with you? They are embarassed. They've been in Austin for a day and a night and haven't called me or told me. I am pissed off, and feel totally justified. I slap Aaron and Andrew in the face, fairly hard. As I find out more and more of the story, I continue slapping them. How could they come here and not tell me? I'm not mad at Bijan, because he lives here, I guess, and had nothing to do with it, but I am fucking upset at Aaron and Andrew. Especially Andrew, I talked to you yesterday! You called me just to shoot the shit! I remember talking on the phone to you and hearing Bijan in the background and saying "Oh! Did Bijan come down to LA to visit?" and you quickly changed the subject. No, you guys had been here the whole time. Why even bother to call me but not tell me that you're in town? I slap Andrew in the face again. Hard. I hit them a lot and they just kind of take it. It doesn't seem to really hurt them that much. Bijan doesn't seem to let the situation ruin his good time. It 's like they both know they deserve it.

Somehow I end up back at LeAnne's beautiful three story house with her weirdo forty five year old housemate. I am drunk, and ravenous for chocolate. Some dude who might be her roommate is downstairs watching TV, so I figure its okay if I sneak into the pantry to find some. All I find is an old old old spotty crumbly mini Hershey bar, that looks left over from Christmas, which I promptly eat, but since it's totally disgusting, I go to my own shelf in the other kitchen to look for the pretzels and Hit cookies I bought this week. All the chocolate and snacks on my shelf have huge bites out of it, the peanut butter cups, everything is half eaten. Sandra Vahtel comes into the kitchen for a late night snack, and I ask is there a mouse living here? She laughs and says "Yeah, that guy!" and points to the mouse across the room. He's big and fearless, and I try to salvage the rest of my food by sticking it in the fridge before he or the cat which is not a very good mouse hunter get to it. By the time I break off any untouched pieces and get what I can into the fridge, the half eaten stuff is totally gone. Devoured. The cat is attempting to get the sweet Swiss crackers out of the foil when I grab them out of its paws, stick them back in the tin and say "No, you don't get these" to him knowing somehow that the cat understands every word I say.

When I awake from this disturbingly vivid dream, it's 5 am, and I am hungry and confused. I eat a Hit cookie and some pretzels to remind myself that they're still available in the waking world, drink a considerable amount of water, and while I'm peeing, a cockroach the size of a kazoo walks out from under the toilet and onto the wall, it's antennae waving in my direction.

Disgusting.

Maker Faire Dispatches

2008-10-22T11:42:00.000-07:00

Photos 1 and 2: the Yarn Car
Photo 3: the identical twin boys, one of which was in a dress
Photo 4: LeAnne ponders androgeny
Photo 5: riding the bicycle snake
Video: The Most Annoying Car in the World (?)

An Affair to Remember

2008-10-16T11:45:00.000-07:00

In September of 2008, during the course of about three weeks, I read obsessively, and frantically, five of the ten works by author Steve Erickson. My sudden interest was sparked by several factors that aligned at the right time, namely, this interview, my homesickness for Los Angeles, and the frequent bouts of alienation and misanthropy I was experiencing from the recent move and the start of my graduate education. When, on a whim, I picked up a copy of Zeroville at Half Priced Books
I could not have possibly foreseen at that time the all consuming obsession that would follow. If you're going to read these novels right, they involve a good amount of internet research, film viewing, and evenings sitting on the porch smoking cigarettes and reminiscing about lost loves and the nature of time. For me, Erickson was like an fierce unstable lover or a chemical addiction. The only difference was that his novels were a lot harder to come by than standard drugs, and if I somehow found time to do my Phonology assignments it was only because Amazon.com doesn't ship used books overnight.

Since that initial infatuation, I've remained a faithful reader, but have not since experienced the exhilaration of my first encounter. What I've attempted here was to record my initial thoughts and feelings as I made my way through this particularly captivating thoughtscape. This is a breakdown of those memorable three weeks.

Zeroville
Reading Time: under 24 hours
Landscape: Hollywood, New York, Spain, Paris, An insane asylum in Oslo.
Sexscape: Practically non-existent compared to the other four novels.
Thoughts: I find it ironic that I read this novel first, because at the time I couldn't get over how weird it was. Having read the rest, this book seems positively tame in comparison. At the time however, I had a difficult time wrapping my head around two things in particular. Thing the first: most of the novel is extremely hyper-realistic in terms of historical accuracy. There are lists upon lists and mentions upon mentions of directors, films, novels, actors and events that Vikar encounters during his descent into Hollywood that are completely bound in reality, until at one point, he picks up a newspaper with an article about the kidnapping of the granddaughter of Charles Foster Kane. Vikar, having seen Citizen Kane earlier in the novel, reads the article and speculates whether the kidnapper were driven by film lust or money lust. He does not speculate on the fact that Charles Foster Kane is in fact, fictional. WTF, right? Thing the second would be the entire third of the novel where he goes on a scavenger hunt for lost films that contain, along with every other film in the history of film, a single frame from a recurring dream he's had. The climax of course, takes place in said dreamscape. The fact that the resolution for the novel involves Vikar removing piece by piece, his/the collective unconscious from the history of film, was, as I later discovered, maybe the most vanilla ending to an Erickson novel to date.
Reactions: The first thing I did as soon as I finished this book was go out open an account at I Love Video so I could rent A Place in the Sun. I also found myself drawing unfounded connections to things in my own life as if they held some deeper universal meaning that I had yet to discover. Mindfuck city.
Memorable quote: God has seeped his way into Los Angeles after all, and found His instruments there by which to sacrifice the city's children.

The Sea Came in at Midnight

Reading Time: 2 days
Landscape: Los Angeles, New York, Tokyo, the edge of the apocalypse.
Sexscape: The plot centers around a 17 year old sex-slave/tool of the apocalypse who has sex with men in order to steal their dreams, and the wife of a disturbed pornographer who unwittingly and regretfully inspires him to take their films to a place darker than she imagined was possible.
Thoughts:Disturbing but hopeful. Though the characters are dealing with situations that are far above and beyond anything I might ever be faced with, it was easy to relate my own experiences, motives, and reactions to theirs. Sometimes you need to make use of the extreme to be able to see a connection. While certain plot points may at times seem extreme or contrived, the characters remain very real. I said to a friend: "It's not as though I myself have ever accidentally given birth to the age of snuff films, but I could relate to it."
Reactions: It was around the ending of this book that Erickson's narrative style began creeping into my constant inner monologue. I found that I was talking to myself more than usual, and my conversations were much more quaint and sarcastic than ever before. Spending most of the day reading a book like this makes you (me) start narrating the most mundane details of your life as if they were somehow important in the grander scheme of existence. "She stood up and moved slowly to the computer. Her Syntax homework was taunting her like a small child begging for the attention it deserves."
Memorable quote: "I'll bet you just thought you were being pithy. That will teach you to write pithy sex ads."

Days Between Stations
Reading Time: 2 days
Landscape: The novel moves between San Francisco, a post sand storm LA covered in sand dunes and on the verge of chaos, a Paris in the coldest winter it's seen in years with dwindling energy, a Venice Italy where a team of bikers disappear for days along the canals, and a train that doesn't seem to run along a linear track.
Sexscape: I felt significantly less guilty getting aroused by this novel, probably because it was based in a love story, though it didn't neccesarily depart for the standard issues of power and misplaced sexuality of the previous two novels. The type of cunnilingus where one's tongue defies space and time. Also some brothels, incest, and what someone thinks is incest but isn't.
Thoughts: I really genuinely love and admire this novel in ways I've never felt before. It sounds pretty hokey when you describe the plot, setting, or characters, but it has an incredible amount of heart, and it brings out whatever sadness, hope, longing and despair was lurking dormant inside you. These poor people are just lost in this decaying world that they don't understand, they're haunted by a past that some of them can't even remember, and they're all just trying to love and be loved in a way that seems right and true.
Reactions: When you're reading a book like this, you start looking at strangers on the street as if they harbor a secret that they need you to uncover. More so than usual.
Memorable quote: Both of them had known, the moment before he touched her, what it would be like, how it would feel. Both of them knew, the moment he kissed her, that in another time and place, they had done it before.
"Where do I know you from?" she heard him whisper.
"I don't know."

Amnesiascope
Reading Time: 2 days
Landscape: Ravaged by "the Quake," Los Angeles is perpetually on fire, overrun with prostitutes and pornographers, left for dead by the rest of the country, subject to flash floods and has been divided into several different time zones.
Sexscape: The novel centers around a journalist, but he hangs/has sex with mostly pornographers and prostitutes.
Thoughts: As far as sex narratives in Los Angeles go, this was somewhere between the guilty pleasures of The L Word and the stomach sickness of a Bukowski novel. Something very primal in me wanted to see this city burn.
Reactions: Truthfully the noteworthy result of reading this book was the nearly breakneck speed at which I reached for Our Ecstatic Days when it was finished.
Memorable quote: Besides working for the newspaper, Dr. Billy is also trying to get financing for a film documentary he is making about sex addicts in Copenhagen, which followed his magnum opus, a documentary about sex addicts in Bombay. At one point years back he was awarded a grant by a mysterious millionaire in San Francisco, the terms of which were that he would tour the world for a year with his wife Jane and make a documentary about international sex addicts. Soon after the money came in, the millionaire died and Dr. Billy sort of forgot about making the documentary and just took the world tour. Rio de Janeiro was nice I hear. The newspaper seized on this freakish development to name Dr. Billy it's "international" correspondent until, weary of all those tedious stops on the itinerary like Bangkok and Barcelona, he returned to America in a fit of ennui, whereupon the paper instantly named him it's national correspondent. Now he drops into the office every once in a while to groan about the onerous task of traveling the world on a dead millionaires money.

Our Ecstatic Days
Reading Time: 8 days
Landscape: A lake (with a temporal/spacial vortex at the bottom) appears at the intersection of Laurel Canyon and Sunset and grows until the greater part of the city is completely underwater.
Sexscape: The two main characters are the 17 year old from The Sea Came in at Midnight who has become a professional dominatrix, and one of her clients.
Thoughts: Truly heartbreaking in a way I didn't expect. The narrative neither adds to or detracts from the emotions running rampant through the novel, but it does add to the readers sense of confusion, hopelessness and general sinking feeling. Whatever pleasure I gleaned from imagining Los Angeles ablaze was extinguished when the gas station on Crescent Heights disappeared beneath the murky water.
Reactions: This book took so much out of me that I had to stop and take a breather. It's the last Erickson I read because I literally just couldn't go any further. The narraitive structure itself is a struggle, but the plot alone makes you feel as though you're having your heart ripped out in a dark room by a stranger. It's not surprising, having read Zeroville that it was the follow up to this book. I mean, there's really no degree of weirdness that can top this. Your only option at that point is to write something linear that follows one character and has a beginning, middle, and end, because if you tried to push to narrative envelope any further, the result wouldn't even be a novel, it would be a daisy, tied to a paper bag full of postage stamps underneath a blinking traffic light. I think you know what I mean.
Memorable quote: Are you a monkey? I say and he says "No I'm not a monkey!" Are you a boy? and he answers, "Yes! I'm a boy!" except last time. Last time I said, Are you a boy? and he said, "No, please!" and puzzled I said then what are you? and he answered

I'm a Bright Light.

A special thank you to Ryan and ShelfLife for publishing this review.

Welcome to the Jungle

2008-10-10T15:23:00.000-07:00

I had a bit too much to drink last night while watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia until about three in the morning. Dehydration (due also in part to the spicy, salty ramen I had immediately before bed) and a not too enthralling Phonology lecture led to a pretty fierce hangover that was in full throttle by the time I found my way home. I popped some Aleve, fell onto my bed fully clothed, the sun beating down on me through the window, and attempted to nap. I did not nap well. In fact, as my mind drifted in and out of various sleep states, one thought found its way into my half dream state and persisted there until I woke with a start some time later, not entirely sure how long I had actually been asleep.

The thought was this: Start a group blog.

My friends, I am not one to mess with the powers of the unconscious, so here it is. Post what you will, post from the heart, and post heartily.

If you would not be forgotten as soon as you're dead, either write things worth reading, or do things worth writing.
~ Benjamin Franklin

Literature is all, or mostly, about sex.
~ Anthony Burgess